Jackie Humans Explains How to 'Zap' a Bully

In the 7th grade, a boy got up in front of the entire class to read an essay he called “How Queer Jackie Ryder Is.” “Ryder was my maiden name,” Dr. Jackie Humans stated as she recalled a bullying incident from her past. “I sat there as if it were the funniest thing ever, but believe me, I was crushed.”

On Wednesday night, Dr. Humans held a seminar, mainly for parents, at the Northport-East Northport Public Library on how to teach your child to deflect minor bullying, such as teasing and name calling. “I was bullied, and more importantly, my daughter.” It was then that Jackie decided to dedicate her life to empowering children everywhere, and for the past 7 years, she has been speaking to adults and children publicly on the subject of bullying. Jackie is the author of "15 Ways to ZAP a Bully!" Her daughter Nikki is the inspiration and provides illustrations for the children’s book.

Thirty three percent of children never report that they are being bullied, 10 percent are permanent targets--they are bullied every day--and children in middle school are twice as likely to experience it. If a child is unable to report the bullying, a parent is unable to help. The reasons why children fail to admit that they are the victims is because, culturally, they do not want to be a “tattle-tail;” they think it’ll make the situation worse; they are embarrassed to look “less-than” in their parent’s eyes; they blame themselves. “This is because they haven’t been taught to analyze "the bullying game,” said Dr. Humans. “The only time a target has a prayer in interrupting ‘the bullying game’ is their own reaction.”

After doing research, Jackie discovered that the number one reaction that illicits further bullying is anger. When the target provides an emotional response to a bully, it’s like putting gasoline on a fire—the bullying will only continue. Dr. Humans teaches parents to control their emotions so their children can follow their example. “Nothing is more important to a child than [their parents] reaction,” said Jackie. The seminar and "15 Ways to ZAP a Bully" covers strategies from role-playing, to teaching your children silly comebacks, and allowing them to be creative. “When we let our kids teach us the right way, that empowers them,” stated Dr. Humans.

Nobody was able to comment on the nature of bullying in , but it is certainly prevalent because of anti-bullying programs throughout the elementary schools, said Nikki Kolbe, a Northport parent. “[The seminar] gave me info I can take back. I can teach my kids how not to be the target and not to be the bully,” said Richelle Newman of Northport. Cyber bullying and texting was brought up to be a concern among parents, as well as knowing if your child is aware of who their true friends are.

Dr. Humans stressed the importance of being on the same level as your child and explaining to them that it is okay to make mistakes and to tell them to always apologize when you hurt another. “Tell your kids how you handled getting bullied,” says Dr. Humans. “It makes it all the more real for them.”

Five Ways a Parent Can Help Kids Combat Bullying:

• Let your child know that the bullying isn’t their fault.
• Teach your kids techniques in dealing with their bully once a week as if it were regular homework.
• Tell your child to spy on their bully. Once they know who else is a victim, they can form a new alliance.
• Role-play situations with your child.
• Keep a journal of the times your child has been bullied so it is believable when telling a teacher or another adult.

For more information on how to prevent bullying, visit www.jackiehumans.com.